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I recently started a job at a nationally known company, for privacy of the company and so people won't ask me all these off  the cock, oops I mean off the clock question I won't mention the name. Anyhow instead of posting on Monday, Wednesday and Friday, I will only post on Weekends now. February 1 I will be on my permanent shift so I will then start posting on Thursday and Saturday.

Much Love

A Friend called my Tuesday afternoon and told me of an incident that happened at work, the incident happened to someone else, because I more than like would have had to go and bond her out.  She works full-time at a car manufacturer company and because of the economy they have cut hours. She works part time for a national department store chain to make up the difference in income. Well anyway honey, with what she told me my bottom lip is still on the floor. Get ready to pick yours up. A "guest " came into the location regarding items she had seen in the weekly sale booklet. It was a suit but sold in separates. According to the guest the ad stated that the top and bottom were $11.99 each. The sale rack said that the top was $11.99 and that the bottom was $49.99. She even swiped the item and it rang up for that price. Because the employee wasn't telling her what she wanted to hear, the "guest" SPIT in the employees face. Girl, I can see that look on your face because it was and still is on mine. The employee did absolutely nothing but stood there and wiped it off her face. I'm in no shape, form, or fashion violent but I saw red in my eyes when my friend was telling me that. Call me names, say what you want about me, but don't hit me or put your nasty DNA on me. That situation warranted a GOOD ASS WHIPPING and nothing less. To top it off the lady told her that she was nothing but poor white trash and was doing nothing there but cleaning up and worth nothing, this coming from the "guest" a caucasian younger woman  with a 10 year age difference. Then to add insult to injury the manager came out and sold the "guest" the pants for $11.99 and told her not to come back. WHAT???????????  That really showed her didn't it. She got exactly what she wanted and will be back this weekend. He showed his employee how much he valued her. This is one of those situations where I wished I would have been there because I would have called the police for her. She would have come in with a smile and left with 2 nice shiny bracelets, an assault charge and a retraining order. Because I wasn't there all I can say is Lord bless that employees heart because  even after that she came to work the rest of this week. I think she deserves a parade, employee of the year (every year that she is employeed there), a medal anything else that you can think of, maybe not all that but some type of recognition for a job well done, her patience, and most importanty her restraint for allowing that woman to walk out with her hair on her head and her face in the same state as when she woke up that morning.  I'm curious to know how would  you have handled that?

Have a Blessed, Prosperous and Joyous New Year!

Much Love

This has been a happy but hectic time for me and my family.  It's the holidays, enough said. I luckily didn't have to fight through the crowds to find last minute Christmas gifts because I was done a few months ago, thank God.  I did of course have to buy myself SOME gifts and I did that yesterday. I found some nice things . . . clothes, clothes, and shoes. I had to pull myself away from the sales.

This is a blessed time of year, whether or not you get what you want be thankful that you are here to see another day, that you have a place to live and food to eat. That might sound so cliche but think about the millions that don't. This time it should be like thanksgiving, not just about gift giving. Just as everyday, you should take time to give thanks and glory to God for the blessings you have no matter how small, insignificant and dismal life seems. Prayer and Faith can only make it get better in God's will and time. Stay prayed up and Keep the faith.

MUCH LOVE

Have a Blessed and Happy Holiday!

I don't know what's up with Men lately. Sometimes I think that I'm dreaming forget that a nightmare when it comes to meeting men. I meet guys on a regular and it's always the same story with them. Either they are married, living with someone, getting divorced soon, big ass liars, or all of the above. What trips me out with the married ones is that they feel if they are being open and honest with you then you should be ok with it. No, I want soemone of my own. I want to be able to call you anytime, come over any time, see you any time. When you date a married man you have to know your place and that's a place I choose not to be. Why settle for that? I think A LOT of my self and that just isn't it. I meet plenty of them and all they are and will be are conversation. Some of them talk bad about their wife, then you have those that LOVE their wife to death. Those I ask if you love her so why are you out looking for something else. They all seem to have the same line, she just doesn't please me that way. Well why not talk to her instead of cheating. I think if you are sleeping with someone you can't get any more open than that. You should feel comfortable with that person and tell them what the problem is. Better yet during sex let them know by putting their hands where you want them, moan and tell them when they are doing what you like and when they are doing something you don't like, don't be afraid to stop them for fear of hurting their feelings and redirect them to what's better for you, you want this to be a pleasurable time for the both of you.  The reason that I say that I am glad that I'm single is because I'm comfortable in my skin by myself. True enough I get lonely sometimes. I have friends that I feel that void with. It's still not the same as having your OWN man though. I can wait and be patient. I'm not desperate for a man to just have anyone in my life. I prefer someone that I can have a great or good future with, not just anyone just because he's there. I still meet these assholes that only want sex. They amaze me with the the shit they come up with. "I'm not that type of guy to only have sex with you and not call", "I want a relationship but we can take that slow, let's go ahead and have sex now so that we can see if we are compatible on that level", "I see you being in my future for a long time"-this being said while they are trying to unbutton your pants-LMAO!, or for the ones that are honest that sex is all they want, "you know you want me as much as I want you", only wanting to see you after 11p, "I'm being honest about what I want, so let's do this", "I wanna do . . . to you, you gonna do me", "once we have sex it can go where ever it is going". I don't need all the bullshit in my life, I'm glad I'm single and it's by choice. Many are surprised that I'm single, my response is, it's by choice and until God sends that individual to me it's going to be that way. To those of you who feel like it's necessary to have a nothing in your life to feel complete, love yourself more and get the help out.

MUCH LOVE

This is final exam week. One exam is going to be a breeze (Eng Comp II) the other Bio II isn't going to be hard it just a comprehensive final that covers the entire school term. Its alot to study for. I go to bed late and wake early except for the two days that I have overslept by getting my daughter to school. I got her on time, Monday we left at our regular time, today we left 15 minutes later but still got her to school by 7:00. Anyhow, with this hectic schedule that I am running lately I think of how I could have accomplished this the first time without kids and without the stressors that I have know. Then I go back to my "why cry over spilled milk". God wanted me to do it in his time and his way. I realize that it might be hectic now but God is continually bring me through. I'm not stressed and it's actually one of the best times of my life. I'm focused and know what I want. If not for the detour that I took I wouldn't appreciate the 4.00 GPA that I have, hell I wouldn't have it if not for the detour because the focus just wasn't there then when I had the free opportunity. I think of how if I never met my ex-husband I could have had a new car and a new home by my parents. They told me if I stayed in our area to attend college then I would have had that; but no, I wanted to go out of town for college to get away from the strict upbringing that I had. I had talked them into getting me the Durango and not worrying about the house. Met my ex and that through water on that fire. They saw him driving my car and said no to the new vehicle because of that. But once again why cry over spilled milk. It's done and it's done. If I hadn't met him my parents and I wouldn't have the LOVES of our lives. My kids are what drives me to go even when I don't feel like it. Those  two balls of energy will keep anyone in shape. Yeah I need a break away from them sometimes and boy do I get them because of my parents (I THANK GOD FOR ALL OF THEM EVERYDAY!).

It's ok to revisit the past. What's not ok it staying there and living in it. Your past is what shaped you into what you are today. Going back there may help you in your future by rekindling something that will come up in the future and dealing with it before will help you deal with it now or if it arises again, or remember an idea that you had and forgotten, or just motivation. Whatever reason just remember not to stay.

I don't have any regrets. Well maybe just one. I regret meeting these lying, two-faced, sex driven men I have been meeting over the years; but anyway honey that's something I'm going to have to talk about another day. : (

You all have a blessed week.

MUCH LOVE

BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTER
                                                                                            by Maya Angelou

'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ
that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'
When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''
I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'
When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.
When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.
When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!
Pretty is as Pretty does ... but beautiful is just plain beautiful!
TODAY IS BEAUTIFUL CHRISTIAN SISTERS DAY
I'm supposed to send this to BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, and you are one of them!!!
If you share this with other women, you will boost another woman's self esteem,
and she will know that you care about her

This is beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This morning a dear friend called me and sounded distressed. I asked her what was wrong and she asked where was I. I told her that I had just gotten out of class and was headed to Wal-mart. I again asked her what was wrong. She started telling me what was going on. She said that she was at her guyfriend's house and there was a knock on the door. He answered and went outside to talk to the person. Come to find out it was a female and she over heard them talking. She knows that he and his wife are separated, she doesn't care because she is happily married. She's just a nymphomaniac. Anyway's she heard her ask whose vehicle is that and he response "my girlfriend". The woman at the door got mad and just kept repeating "your girlfriend", fuck that how do have a girlfriend. He told the woman that she needed to leave as he walked back in. A few minutes later he asked my friend to drop him at his car. Why was the woman still outside? And to top it off there was another car out there and they started to follow them. They figured that once he got out of the truck they would stop following her.  No she didn't. Once he got out the crazy woman and the other vehicle continued to follow her. She called me as if I was "Captain Save a Hoe" and that I definitely am not. It's always the innocent individual that gets hurt. I told her that she needed to go to the nearest police station and go in or at least pretend to because that might scare her off. She was scared to go because she didn't know if that would backfire or what. So here she is a "law abiding" student driving the speed limit through town and using her turn signals. I didn't laugh then but when I knew all was well, I told her, if you ever get into a predicament where someone is following you, DON'T USE YOUR DAMN TURN SIGNAL! She is smart as hell but I guess she was scared because she didn't know what was going to come of them following her. Her friend called and asked if they were still following her, he told her to come back to his house and pick him up. She did and he told her to let him drive, she said that he drove like a bet out of hell and lost her. I told her girl I know you were scared because I was scared for her. I told her that is a sign to leave the affairs alone and be content with her husband. Once everything was good I talked about her and made her laugh about the situation. I told her that she can laugh about it now but be careful in the future and stay her butt at home. Stop taking these chances because next time it might not have a good ending, her husband could find out or she could catch a disease.

Tricky!!!!!

Sometimes everyday life can be tricky. Simple things such as opening the top on a soda to not having enough time in the day can seem tricky to maneuver. We have to learn how to manage life and not let life manage us. I have a few friends who are going through some stressful situations and instead of trying to beat it they are moping around, not wanting to leave the house, and just all around depressed. I’m there cheerleader and I make them get up. I used to be depressed all the time. I took control of my life. I learned that when I feel like that that gives me all the more reason to get up, get out and do the things that I enjoy. After my abusive marriage I taught myself to be happy, I prayed to God for serenity and continued happiness and not to let things stress me. For example I was having a talk with my chiropractor and another patient that I knew from my aerobics class; I wanted her to get out with me and my friends because I knew she was down but she changed her mind at the last minute. I know some of her problems and was talking to her about them. Make a long story short I told her that what she is going through and feeling is similar to how I felt when I tried to commit suicide. My Dr.’s mouth dropped and he said Girl I would have never guessed that about you. You seem to always be upbeat and motivational to others. I told him that God and my past made me this way. Stronger. My Motto is “Just because I smile all the time doesn’t mean that everything is OK, it just means that I decided to let God take care of my troubles.” By living my life by faith, I don’t worry and my needs are met. Even when I feel like I might worry about something I pray. Don’t get me wrong, I’m human, I have days that I think about things and it affects me, but I only allow that feeling for a moment. My future is my life, the past is good to help you focus on the future but don’t let your past ruin what could be your happy future. Sometimes going back to the past can help you make a decision on which path to take. I want my kids to be happy and healthy and to understand life isn’t always going be the way you expect, you have to roll with the punches and fight back, kicking and screaming. No matter what your problems are there is someone always worse, be thankful for what you do have. Keep the faith. Love life and enjoy it. Remember things can and will get better, but as long as you focus on the negative and let life rule you, you will never be able to enjoy the abundant life that God has in store for you.

Much Love

I pray everyone had a blessed and wonderful Thanksgiving. I enjoyed the week off and wish it could have been longer. My last day of class for the year is December 12. Thank God. I don't return to school until Jan 15. Thank God. That is going to be a nice break. 

I have had so many problems logging on this past week with the wireless card from AT & T. It kept knocking me off line, maybe traffic was hectic, not sure but working somewhat ok now. I hate I signed a two year contract because this thing is giving me hell. Anyway while I'm able to, I will post the blog I had for last Monday.

Much Love

My wireless card messed up again and just received the new one in the mail today. Hopefully I won't have this problem again. This is the second one in two months. It must be a defective product. All in all yes it is an inconvenience but customer service other there at At&t is very helpful. Jeremiah was on top of things again. He was very helpful. Thanks again sweetie and take care.

To everyone have a blessed weekend and get some rest.

Much Love

I don't understand other folks children. My friend girl who recently went through the situation with the guy cheating on her and using her for money has been having these slight breakdowns because she misses him. She asks questions and I tell her how it is and absolutely no sugar coating whatsoever. She was in that stage of "Why me?" "Why did I have to be treated this way?" I asked her what makes her so special that she isn't going to have some type of turmoil in her life?, what is she doing that is going to keep her from having problems? I told her nothing, there are plenty of good and great people out there who suffer some type of trouble in there life. I was a little mean because I'm tired of her pouting over this nothing ass user. I told her to be thankful all she lost was a few thousand dollars and wasn't physically abused or lost her life. There are many partners who would give anything to have lost money instead of there life. I told her yeah, it's going to hurt because you really had feelings for him. Two years with someone is a long time and she won't forget about him. I told her that just because you love and miss someone doesn't mean that you have to be with them or that you should be with them. Some people just aren't meant to be together no matter how hard they try. On top of it all he might not have physically abused her but the way he misused her was a form of mental abuse. I talk to her daily about this and how alot of what she is going through, I went through and dealt with it and look at the strong woman I am today. Sometimes I might be too strong and push the wrong people away. I'm just so cautious with my feelings, that at the first signs of them fucking up or whatever, I let it go. Like the guy that I talked about in my earlier blogs. I still miss him. I miss him alot. But I know that the quality time that I wanted from him isn't available to me and wasn't available to me then. I know what I want and I'm not gonna accept anything lesser than that. I just want my girl to know that she is better than that. Stop thinking about his nothing ass because as long as she does she isn't going to be able to move on. I tell her this daily. I don't know what it's going to take to let her know that she's worth it but as long as she's my chick, I'm here for her and will always be. I just want other folks children to love themselves and move on from shitty relationships.

Much Love

Thank God that November 4, 2008 has passed and we have the CHANGE to look forward to. This was a long and tough election but thank God we made it through. The closer we got to November the worse campaigns got. That's a thing of the pass. We have our first BLACK president. I look forward to the future. I pray for him and his family. I pray the most blessed abundant, successful and protective future not only for them but for us as a country, world as a whole. I was happy to see that not only the majority of blacks and other minorities want him in office but whites as well. Our vote wasn't because he was black, for myself if the democratic nominee had been Hillary or some other race with the mind thought on changing this country I would have voted for them too.

I attended a watch party, didn't take many pictures but here they are. There is also a clip of the celebration that broke out when they announced BARACK OBAMA as the PRESIDENT.

Much Love

My son is sweet and caring. I pray he stays that way. Whatever women he gets will be luck to have him. He will love her and take care of her. He did the most sweetest thing that a 4 year old MAN could do.  You how you get air put in your tires, sometimes the person or self forgets to put the caps back on the air hole. My son noticed this on my front tires of my car. He said "momma are your tires broken", I told him "no and that they were fine that way. The air wasn't going to leak out". A few days later my parents bought him a new bike. My son called me outside and showed me the bike. A few minutes later he called me back out and said "momma I have something else to show you".  He said "momma look what I did, I fixed your tires". Apparently he noticed the air spikes on his bike, took the caps off and put them on my tires. I teared up, picked him up, kissed my little man's cheek. I have never had such a sweet and sincere gesture as that done for me. I told him to "put them back on his bike because momma's car would be ok". He said "No, I love you momma and want to make sure that you are ok when you are on the road", I hugged him tighter. He is the example of the way a man should treat a woman. He constantly picks my mom's flowers and gives them to myself, my mom, his sister, and his aunts. If we are somewhere and he sees flowers he'll pick them and do the same thing. Most men could learn something from this 4 year old man. How to show a woman innocent ways to show love and appreciation of her. He's a gentlemen and I pray he stays that way.

Much Love

Maturity years before his time. I love this lil' man to death.

My aunt who we had the funeral for weekend before last, unfortunately, her husband passed away this weekend. It's strange but at her funeral he sang a song(just barely because he was ill as well) that basically said that he wouldn't be far behind her. Their kids hated to hear him sing it but they knew it wouldn't be to far behind him. It was sad. I met one of my cousins on Facebook. It just happened that she saw the last name and contacted me on a Thursday and my aunt, her grandmother passed. Now her granddaddy has passed. I feel sorry for her. But we are gonna continue to pray for the family's strength, guidance and comfort from GOD.

Get your ass from in front of the computer and go Vote next week. This is not only one of the most historical elections but also one that could change the economy and our lives for ever. We do not need someone so quick to take action BEFORE thinking as McCain showed in his last debate against Obama. McCain is very irrational, quick tempered, and very abrupt with his thinking.  We need a president that is calm and rational. Thinks before he reacts, and is sensitive to the needs of the middle and lower economic classes, definitely BARACK OBAMA.

What's sad is I have met 4 guys this week who say they aren't going to vote. That turned me off from them really quick. I said any potential relationship there is gone. How stupid can they be. I told them that they must be from different planets. How could you not want to vote when we have a competent African American representing us. We are such a dire need of help in all facets of life that can be solved by the government. I told them then if McCain wins they'll be the first ones complaining about how things are fucked up. There is no excuse for not voting next week. One vote could make a difference and it could be yours. So please get out and vote on NOVEMBER 4, 2008 your life and your future depends on it.

MUCH LOVE

Yesterday my daughter's class went on a field trip to the Natural Science Museum. It was fun. Her class mates are a trip. I thought my daughter was busy but compared to some of them she is quiet (A LIE!. . .  something like that anyway). There were 4 that took to me and we had a great time. I took a lot of pictures. The kids were playing tug of war with me. I loved it. The museum is smaller than I expected. This was the museum I wanted to take her to the day before she went back to school, I'm glad I didn't because my expectations would have been shot. What they do have is still interesting. They have robotic dinosaurs that definitely look real. Then they have alot of information that I wasn't aware of. It was an informative trip.

At the end of the trip I got a jaw dropper. One of the kids that took to me said something unbelievable. From the couple of hours that he was in my care, I noticed that he was a little different in sense. He kind of kept to himself and has weird behaviors but a loveable kid anyhow. I was talking to the room mother and another parent, who are very familiar with all the kids in the class, about him. I said he is a handful and BUSY. They agreed, along with making their own comments. Anyway at lunch time he had this girls arm behind her back. I told him to let her go and not to do girls like that. Then I asked if he would do his sister like that. He said yes and I do my mom like that. I asked if his mom whipped him or put him in time out. He said No. I told him she needed to. I asked if he loved his family. He said I have a secret to tell you. I said go ahead not knowing what to expect. He said I want to KILL my family. I  I hate them, I only love my little brother and I punch him in the face. I was looking at him with a stunned look on my face and asked are you serious or are you playing. He said that he meant what he said. I just stopped and prayed for him and his family right then. I spoke to the teacher about it. She said she would make a note of it and that when they got back to school she would look into. I said I pray that he has a stable home life and that he is in a caring environment. I'm going to keep check on it.

Much Love

The continuation of my sister's birthday. My sister, Craig and a good friend of mines went out for drinks and it turned out to be one hell of a night. My sister enjoyed herself something that she really hasn't been able to do in a long time. We must have hit the dance floor and when I say hit it we hit it hard. The one shot I hate I missed, and trust me so do you,was when Craig picked up this girl twice, if not three, times his size and was dancing with her. I was dancing with this guy and stopped mid grind eyes poked and mouth dropped when I saw this. It was hilarious. But anyway here is the shot I did get and a few more pictures from the night. Craigs' impression of James Brown. LMAO! What confidence his has. LOL!

Much Love

Today is my sisters birthday and we had a small surprise gathering at her friends house who coordinated it. It was right after aerobics class so overlook how we are dressed. It was fun and we got her good. I and my daughter took a lot of pictures (she's 7, but I guarantee you won't be able to tell who took the pictures, with that said does this mean that I take bad pictures or she takes great pictures, you be the judge and let me know).

My daughter was playing little miss match maker. The hostess works for AMR(Emergency Rescue) and one of her co-workers came. She was making us take pictures together, I said my baby is something else. Then to top it off my sister said that she had notice he had been watching me. He was standing behind me and she called him out. He had a phone out and had the camera down at my ass. She busted him and said Don't take that picture, OMG!  he went to blushing, he didn't know what to do or say. I didn't make it any better when I told him,  at least not now, don't take them in front of my dad over there. It was too funny, good thing my dad was talking and miss that. I might be 28 but I'm still and always will be daddy's little girl. The night ended with me going home and getting the kids ready for bed and finishing up my homework. Other than that it was great.

Thank God it's the weekend. Still doesn't mean much to me, it's not like I'm going to be able to rest. You try and get enough for the both of us an have a great weekend.

Much Love

My aunt passed Thursday. The Dr. had given her 2 months when they released her from the hospital last week. It was devastating when my cousin called Thursday and broke the news to us.

I miss her so much. Keep me in your prayers!

Much Love

I received this email and felt I should share this with you. GET OUR AND VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wish it was longer. I say that as if I have a 9-5. No I say it because of this paper due on the 21, which we have to work in a group. Regardless if one does work, and the other doesn't, you are still affected negatively. I swear these teachers and professors think that they are the only class that we take. I'm hanging in there, still maintaining my 4.00. I pray that it stays that way, I want a full scholarship this time when I enter the 4 year college.

The weekend was bland. I didn't do much, had the opportunity to get out but I just want feeling it. I'm still not getting enough rest. If I go to bed early then I wake up in the middle of the night and can't go back to sleep for a couple of hours, then if I go late it's not enough. I can't win for losing.

My friend guy who I was so happy for to have found a loving relationship is no longer in the relationship. The bitch was cheating. Not only is he a sweetie, understanding and caring but he also helped, NO! paid the bills and took care of her very well. She is the one at a lost. He felt she was up to no good a few weeks ago and asked what I though. My thing about infidelity is that I have NO tolerance for it. Once you make that commitment, stick with it, if not let it go. If you are going to cheat, hide it well enough that the other still thinks that they are the only one. I'm not condoning it by any means, I'm just saying. If you have a character or routine that you all are use to, once that changes that will throw up red flags. That was her mistake, he's no dumb ass, and to top it off he has me here(relationship counselor by first hand experience) as his personal help him guide. I told him the first time if you have to wonder or she is giving off vibes of cheating be cautious until you get hardcore evidence but in the same instance if you feel that then likely it's true. You don't want to be in a relationship that you have to guess or wonder what is going on, that's with cheating, their feelings, it's whatever. If you have to question or unsure about things and you try to talk it out and they give you "it's nothing", "everything is ok" or you get the cold shoulder, when you very well can see the changes or know that everything isn't ok, then it might be time to move on or investigate anymore. My ex husband said that I could be a private investigator, I would find his other women, call them or stop by and have a talk. It amazed him how I found him all the time. I'll never do that again. If I have to become a PI again, I don't need them. Unhealthy relationships don;t do anything but mentally and physically tear you down. If you think the person is cheating or you know for a fact they have cheated, unless you can forgive and forget, it'll never work. Every time you are out of their presence you will think about what are they up to. I told him that he was the 4th person this week that I have given this speech to about loving yourself first, then you can have a healthy relationship and get out of one if it's not. He said that's sounded like some bitch shit but he knew what I meant and knew that it was true. She wants to work it out I told him to tell her no. The light bill is due and she asked if he would please pay it. He said no call them and make payment arrangements. I told him he should have told her to call the man she was fucking behind his back and ask him to pay it. My thing with cheaters if you are going to cheat get someone better than your partner. She left 90% for 10%. I don't get the stupidity that women and men have now. I have no tolerance for bullshit. I can overlook things like clipping your nails and leaving them on the sink or leaving the toilet seat up, I can't over look you beating my ass or taking our money and going to the boat or spending it on some other woman. I think when people split over simple things like the toilet seats and nails then there are deeper issues than being said and there was no love there in the first place.

If it's not one thing it's another. When I was dealing with all this drama with my ex husband I got a headache that didn't want to go away. On the third day I decided I NEEDED to go to the Dr., he said that my blood pressure was 163/98. Now to have this happen was a shock to me. I teach, yes I said teach, 3 aerobic classes everyday, M-F, and 1 Sat. morning at an high impact level and I'm a conscience healthy eater. I'm still in the process of losing weight and I'm 20 lbs from my goal. I want to be certitifed by Jan. with my hectic schedule I don't know how I'm going to fit it in. Anyway's back to the blood pressure, he knows that I am active and watch what I eat so he had to question what was going on, I thought about it, these headaches didn't start until that drama started with my ex. That's why I thank God he is no longer in my life. Those few days affected me like that, it was a shock because I didn't realize I was even letting him get to me in that sense. I thought I was dealing with it, I think it was my anger with him and the disrespect he showed me. Now the Dr. put me on medicine to bring it down, the first medicine gave me a terrible dry hacking cough that kept me up throughout the night, disturbed me and others during the day, and made me feel like crap. After a few days I called him back and he wrote me a prescription for that. That made me pass out inside of Northpark Mall. I felt it coming and was heading to a chair and the chair caught me instead of the floor thank God. LOL! Funny now but not that day, it had me feeling horrible. Now I'm better and taking something else. Keep me in your prayers.

That's not the only thing. I have been going to a chiropractor, he is all about totally body wellness. I told that I work out like and do and watch what I eat. I haven't missed a workout since April(except for the other day when I passed out)but I have hit a plateau on my weight loss, so he went to my to Dr. to have my blood drawn to check my thyroid and other things. My thyroid is ok, but my kidney is borderline bad. If it's not thing it's another. He asked if I'm a drinker, told him I have probably had about 10 drinks total this year, but I don't mix them, I drink it straight. He asked a bunch of questions and I didn't answer yes to any. I was honest this is my health we're talking about. He said there are many causes, who knows what caused it, we just have to get it better.

Everyone out there, I'm not insured, a long way from rich, not even gainfully emplyed right now,I have been paying for this stuff out of pocket. My point is if I can get my hair done every other week and spend money like I do. I can spend some on my health. I want to live old and gracefully, so cutting corners here and there and with faith and prayers hopefully I will. So take the time and get a physically make sure everything is good. Just because you feel good, are active and take care of yourself your body can play tricks on you.

It all started weekend before last. The kids wanted to see their dad and he wanted to see them. He lives with his grandmother so I though as long as she is there we'll be ok. I took them to see him Sunday after church and the day was good, no problems.  Just so happen he got a job offer close by my town and begged(A LOT) me to take him there. I eventually agreed because if he is making money then that'll mean more money for the kids. I took a good friend with me just in case there was trouble. Other than his bad attitude because I had someone with me, it went ok. I dropped him off where he would be living and peeled out the driveway. He called me a few days later and asked if I could take him to work because his ride wasn't there, I think it was intentionally because I later found out that he could have gotten there. Long story short he got on my nerves, I felt like I did when I was married to him all over again and not in a good way. I told him not to make it a habit to call and ask me for help because I had a limit and he had crossed it already. He wanted me to be his taxi, 24-7 and I told him it wasn't going to happen. As usual he got mad and blew up, and get this in front of our daughter, he didn't hit, but he did hold me down, but I stood my grown and it scared him, he was use to the old me backing down. I refused to show weakness with him even thought I was scared he was going to fuck me up. He totally disrespected me that day, he had his friends in the car with us, they work at the same place. They asked if they could smoke, I told them no, they kept asking, I told them shit unless you helping me pay this note than hell no, I have people that pay my car note and when and if they ride they don't even ask because they know that I can't stand smoke period. The bastard had the nerve to tell them go ahead and they lit up. I told them they would never step foot back in my car again. I dropped them off and they haven't. I called and asked a few times I told them no. This last time he really needed me to take him somewhere, a place I had no business going. I told him that once I divorced him that part of my life was over, no more hustling and no more helping him take care of that type of business. He was flaming hot. He threatened me, told me he was going to get me at home or at school. I alerted the County Sheriffs and then called the officers at the college I attended, we are all good friends and go out time to time, as a matter of fact it was one of their birthdays and we went out and celebrated last night, any way I told them if they see him (One of them has seen him because my ex brought me flowers to class one day) turn his ass around and that he had threatened me. That were hot as hell, they said oh campus or off campus, if we with you, you don't have nothing to worry about. I love my boys. He hasn't shown up. That isn't the killing part, after this that bitch had the nerve to call me a few days later and ask me for some help again. Needed a ride again and for me to help him. I told him no. He got angry again and threatened me. I told him to look for me because I'm not going to stay in the house like some scared little girl and not enjoy life. Whenever God is ready for me to leave this earth, and if it is by his hands than so be it. To tell you how good God is I was 10 feet away from him at his job, took the kids to the fair for my daughter's birthday, he didn't even know it. One of his friends saw me, he was one that was in the car that day, apparently he didn't tell him that I was walking behind him. I think he is full of hot air, but I also don't put anything past him. But to top it all off, GOD IS GOOD! ALL THE TIME! he was fired from the job and had to move back with his grandmother. All this in a weeks time. I told him that I was going back to that 'he's dead to me mode', my daughter and son don't want to see him and God know's that I don't. See what I say about those leopard spots, they never change.

This week has had its ups and down. I have dealt with everything. From having to duck and dodge my ex husband to having a headache for 4 days and passing out Friday to having my aunt and uncle(husband and wife)in the hospital, a few rooms down the hall from each other, both with cancer. It's the strangest thing, I told my family that they must have been exposed to something to cause them both to have the same thing. Both are in excruciating pain and scream out from time to time. It's hard for me to see because they are two of the most lively and energetic people that I know. We continuously pray for them and hope that you put them on your prayer list too.  My ex is back with a vengeance. He just can't accept NO for an answer. I told him that I'm not going to stop my life just because he wants to act a fool. My life is my life and I'm going to live it happily and not show fear like I did before. He isn't use to the new me. Oh well, that's his problem, he'll just have to get use to it. Since we are no longer married, no longer intimate(I'm no fool, as soon as I do that'll give him false hope) he doesn't have I just wish he would go on and forget me and the kids.

On top of it my eng comp II teacher is a trip, she'll tell us one thing then come back a few days before the work is due and change it or say that's what she originally said. I think she is one of those people with a brilliant mind but crazy at the same time. I know a few weeks ago I wrote about the 1500 essay and how she gave us an extension because of the storm. Well she extended it with let it be ready any day that you come to class without a definite due date. Thursday she had a chat day with each student in private. During my talk I told her how stressful (SINCE SHE WANTS A STRESS FREE ENVIRONMENT) that was to not give a due date and then come in and ask for the paper. I told her that I do my best work under pressure. She had the nerve to say that she didn't say that. She gave us a due date. I told her that I must be deaf dumb and stupid, because she never did. When I got back in class today, I told them what she said they all agreed that she didn't give us a date. I think she is crazy, she's a good teacher, but needs to keep us with what she tells us. I said that I'm going to bring a recorder to class from now on. Problem Solved.

Regular postings will continue on tomorrow. I want to share the drama that I have been dealing with this week.